My Frugal Story by David of Money Ning

Posted by Lynnae on September 5, 2008

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The following is a guest post by David of Money Ning. If you like his story, consider following his financial journey by subscribing to his RSS feed.

I am one of those people that are driven to be wealthy. I come from a middle class family and my parents were very poor in my early days of childhood. My mom told me when I grew up that there was a time when she did not eat out, nor bought anything that was not a necessity for 1487 straight days. My dad was an Engineer by training, but changed his career to be an Operations Specialist for an additional $400 HKD ($50 USD) a month in salary because his old salary was just not enough.

In 1989, we immigrated to Canada, and because my dad was afraid he could not find a job in the new country, he stayed behind. I am not sure if this was the only factor, but the additional push for more money prompted him to look for another job. Luck had it, another company wanted to hire him for his experience as an Operations Manager a few years after the rest of our family immigrated to Canada. He was also offered twice the salary that he originally was getting. Although I did not really realize it at the time, this made a major difference in our standards of living.

As time went on, our family was able to afford a better and better lifestyle. I was actually deemed the rich kid by some of my friends since I had all kinds of game consoles that my friends did not have. Little did they know how poor we were a few years back, and the reason why I had so many toys was because my dad wanted to make up for not being there. I remembered we would play cards in the basement and watch baseball together when my dad actually had a chance to come visit. However little the time we had spent, they were great moments in my life that I will never forget. I thought to myself, if we only had money, we could live comfortably since I was very young, if we had money, my dad could be here.

I was working as a part time at a fish and chips fast food restaurant before college. We had 10 hour shifts, and it was hard work. For whatever reason, I was asked to be the cook, and the hot oil used for frying the fishes would slash onto me more times than I would like. When I finally quit to go to college, I remembered a time when I was on the bus looking out the window. With almost tears in my eyes, I thought to myself “study hard, or else you will be working here for the rest of your life.”

I am in a unique position where I had some rich family members. My uncle for instance is a self-made millionaire. He came to America when he was young, and from security guard to truck driving, he would pursue to be the best. Luck also had it, he stumbled onto an opportunity to be in a partnership as a distributor. After years of dedication, he slowly grew it into a manufacturing company that employs 150 people. He lives in a very nice part of Southern California. As I interact with him and seeing what his wealth has brought to his lifestyle, it reinforces my view of the importance of money.

My parents are retired now, and my dad finally in Canada by 2001. In 1998, I went to an out of town college, so I again missed my dad’s company when he was home. After staying for another year to finish Masters, I thought to myself “Finally, I can be home with my dad”. Feeling excited at graduating and being able to live with my dad, I packed my bags and went home. This was when I realized that there was one little problem – I could not find a job. I have a Masters in Computer Engineering, and in 2003, it was not a hot industry. I ended up working as a part time at a golf driving range. I remembered when I was picking up the balls in the cart (while other people were hitting at me) that all I could think of was how much I needed a real full time job. “I should be the people on the other side hitting golf balls for fun”, I thought to myself. All my co-workers were high school kids and college drop outs, while I had a Masters degree.

One day, my uncle called and offered me a job in Southern California. Although I knew taking the job would mean leaving my family again, I took it because I was not going to wait for another opportunity. Again I thought “if I only had money”.

After a few years in Southern California, I met the love of my life. In 2007, we decided to get married. We also wanted to buy a house, and have kids. With all this in mind and the upcoming wedding expenses, I was just overwhelmed. I kept thinking to myself that if I had more money, all this would be easy. I would not have to worry about being able to afford all these major expenses that are coming up, I would be able to show my fiancée how much she means to me, and I would be working because “I want to” instead of “I have to”.

I am not sure why I think money is more important than others do, as I am sure my stories are similar to what others have experienced. I just know that to me, this is one of the most important aspects of life. I agree that money cannot buy happiness, but if you do not have enough money, then you dare not think of becoming happy.

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Comments

11 Responses to “My Frugal Story by David of Money Ning”

Jaynee on September 5th, 2008 5:26 am

I may be in the minority on this, but this story made me a bit sad. This beingfrugal.com blog is all about living a well-balanced, fulfilled but frugal life. David’s story focused on “I don’t have enough money yet,” and judging by the last paragraph, he never will.

David’s frugality story isn’t about him taking action to live a well-balanced frugal life, but rather his desire to have more money and that what he has now will never be enough.

My parents were dirt-poor when I was born. They lived in a trailer and saved up for weeks just to buy a garden hose one summer. They would reuse teabags several times to make them last longer. Like David, my dad was hardly ever around because he was a Navy man who was at sea all but a couple months a year until I was 16. I would wear clothes until they were falling off my body. According to David’s model, this would mean that we were unhappy and unfulfilled. But I don’t remember that. I remember HAPPINESS IN ABUNDANCE - God had provided a roof over our heads, food on our tables, and clothes on our backs. What was to be sad about?

David needs to learn to be happy with what he has instead of constantly trying to get to the next level. That’s not to say he can’t strive to better himself, but he needs to stop thinking of MONEY as being the barometer for success. I can’t help but think that even when David makes his first million it won’t be enough for him.
Jessica on September 5th, 2008 5:35 am

I grew up in a poor family. My parents are factory laborers in a non-union factory. My dad has been there 31 years now and makes just $12 an hour. My mom quit when my severely handicapped sister was born, but she now has 22 years seniority and makes about $10 an hour. They have no pensions… we got WIC for a while after my sister was born, but no food stamps or other help. My sister is deaf, blind, and profoundly mentally retarded. She’s 26 now and our parents still care for her. I never got new clothes or much of anything. I recall my parents talking about money a lot because they had none, and they worried a lot. It is hard to overcome that as an adult when you grew up in that situation.

I have done well- went to a great private college (I worked, had scholarships and loans) and got a Master’s degree also. I met my husband our freshman year. This weekend we celebrate our 6th wedding anniversary. We have an almost 2 year old daughter. I still worry some about money, but we are doing okay. I want more children and want to stay at home. Without my salary, things would be a lot more difficult for us. But my heart is at home.

David’s story struck me as pitiful. Just because one grows up in “hard times” doesn’t mean you’re stuck there. Yes, money has importance, but it is not the be all, end all. Sure, you cannot live without it, but this person is placing more importance on money than on love, family, life, country and last but certainly not least, God.

How sad is that?
Southern on September 5th, 2008 7:14 am

I feel for families like David that strive to provide for their families and especially when all the family in unable to be together. I was left with the feeling that instead of appreciating the things that he was later able to obtain that he felt like he now deserved them because he has worked hard and wants “the best” of everything.

Because of divorce we had NO money in my childhood. We had one eye on the stove and the oven was broken, no microwave, dishwasher or dryer. My mom still provided meals from that one eye. I lived without many things. I married early and we had little money for many years. I set my mind that I would take care of what we had and learn to make what I could. I learned to sew, smock, craft, cook, constantly Bachelors and he knew it would take 6 years going at night- and most of that time studying or being at school at night. We both felt that we would rather live with less than to give up 6 years of time together as a family. Is that lazy? God has provided advancements where he was told without a degree it was impossible. We now make above average in income and live in a beautiful home and all our needs are met. We learned to be content with what we have. Always strive to advance and better your life. But, not to obtain a status or certain bank account. I strive to learn how to cut our expenses more and learn new skills that better our life. I think it is more important to live with little and be happy than to live with discontent that you do not have more.
MoneyNing on September 5th, 2008 8:30 am

Thanks Lynnae my story and ouch, the comments were a little harsh. Perhaps it’s just the writing or perhaps it was really what I’m really about.

I will have to reflect upon it since I feel that I put family, love as much more important than money unlike people have said.

Thanks for the honest comments!
Marci on September 5th, 2008 9:35 am

Maybe what you wrote was not really what you meant, but I just felt sorry that you equated the money with happiness. Maybe it was because the lack of money equated to you the family separation, which is what I think really bothered you the most - NOT the actually money or lack of it.

I get by on very little - about $1000/mo take home pay - yet I am about the happiest and most content person that I know. Yes, it has been a struggle to become debt free, but I never equated the lack of money with unhappiness. I think it is just a phase of life that everyone has to work their way thru. When you are young, it is a long hard road to become debt free, you don’t see the end of the debt, but it can also be a very happy hard road because you are together as family, and family is more important that anything else (in my opinion). But to be honest, I know that not having a mortgage on my humble little home is also part of my peace of mind.

Part of your lack of money unhappiness may be due to your choice of place to live - you live in a very expensive place and you expect a certain standard of living thinking that it relates to happiness. On the other hand, I live in a place that is rather inexpensive (housing-wise) to live, is extremely rural (town population is 4000, county pop. is 22,000) and I am happy/content with the simple pleasures in life.

It’s all a matter of attitude - all the money in the world will not change one’s attitude about whether one is happy or not. Until one finds that contentness inside, that has NOTHING to do with money, one will not be truly happy, no matter how much money one has.

For example - I had my 6 and 8 yr old grandkids last night for dinner. I could have spent money and taken them out to dinner, gotten pizza, or a happy meal deal. Instead, we pickup up dinner locally - we stepped outside with our container and shears - and they picked up their dinner - fresh tomatoes, beans, squash, chives, nasturtium and chrysanthemum flowers, kale, dill, lettuce, etc. Then I supervised while they cooked dinner together - elk burgers, mac & cheese, squash/beans/onion/bacon medley, and the kids each made their own colorful handpicked salad. They ate every scrap of it eagerly and asked for more. It was simple, almost free, and a wonderful time spent together as family. They enjoyed Grammi’s attention. Money just can’t buy that kind of happiness and contentment:)
Bonnie on September 5th, 2008 10:20 am

Hi David,

Thanks for sharing your story with us. I do have one thing to share with you that I hope you will sit down and talk to your fiancée about.

I also grew up poor (welfare) and vowed to have money one day. I have also had a considerable amount of money and then have fallen on hard times, and am making a rebound now. But through all of those 40 years, the things I remember as the most joyful, are the wedding I created for less than $2000, the 3 mile walk I took with my husband after dinner on my 40th birthday. The fact that when we were living in different cities for a year before we were married (when we were just friends) he called me every morning and talked to me on his commute and that I called him every night to talk about our day, all on a $40 a month unlimited family talk plan. I went without eating out/movies and pretty much anything not totally necessary to afford that, but it was worth it.

I have a $10,000 string of pearls he gave me and I know it meant a lot to him to be able to buy them for me (he grew up poor too). But the necklace that I wear the most, is a coin with a hole in it he found when we were walking on the beach, which I put on an old chain I had from childhood. It reminds me when I am stressed from some crisis at work or the outside world, that all I have to do is make time for a walk with my best friend (husband) and all my stress will melt away and all of these responsibilities will get handled but as long as we have each other and we remember that time is the one thing you truly have a limited amount of we will always find joy.

Your finance will know you mean the world to her, if you spend your most precious resource on her (your time). If you look at her with love i your eyes. Tell her she is beautiful whenever you think it, not just when she is asking “how do I look,” and write love notes to her that she can save.

You can buy flowers, but picking a wild flower from a path and putting in her hair will be more impactfull.

And above all… remember if you lost everything tomorrow, and you only had each other, how would you show her you love her? Whatever small things you would do, to still be romantic, those are the same things that a rich man should do.

When you have children, keep that same rule in mind as well.

Holding hands is free.

Best of luck to you in your journey. I wish you and your fiancée every happiness.
Aaron Aiken on September 5th, 2008 7:29 pm

David, thank you for sharing your story with us. I appreciate your honesty.

All I want to say, and I will keep this short, is that money will never give you true happiness, nor will the things you can buy with it. Happiness has nothing to do with money and never will.

I encourage you to appreciate what you have now, especially the non-material, and focus on your future well being.
Kathy on September 6th, 2008 8:36 am

David, I get what you’re writing about … missing “something.” Your dad, opportunities, the feeling that you’ve not reached your potential. I don’t have advice, just wanted to share my thanks for writing your story.
Zombie Money on September 7th, 2008 1:16 pm

Money doesn’t equal happiness all the time. Think about the things around you that matter and you will see happiness.

Your family, dad - Would you rather have more money or be close to your family?

Your getting married - Be thankful you have a great partner.

I’m sure there are many other examples.
Raymond on September 9th, 2008 12:52 am

To David
There is a Chinese philosophic saying that says
‘Zhi Zhu Chang Le’ which means
‘One finds happiness when one knows contentment’.
Hope this saying will helps you find happiness.
Joe on September 9th, 2008 10:48 am

I think that going for 1487 days only buying things that you need and not that you want is one of the coolest things I have read in a long time. That is like 4 years of making right choices, and that is pretty cool if you ask me.