It’s easier to forgive when remember everything belongs to the Lord.
The following is a guest post by Cameron C. Taylor, author of Does Your Bag Have Holes: 24 Truths That Lead to Financial and Spiritual Freedom. Be sure to check out his blog at his website, doesyourbaghaveholes.org!
A couple of years ago, my wife and I purchased a home in the mountains. Although we love our home, our backyard was an undeveloped mountainside, a dangerous play area for our children. To solve this problem, we decided to build two rock retaining walls on the mountain to create a large grass playing field below our home. I called a friend in the landscaping business for a bid of the cost of the project. He estimated it would cost $40,000. Our friend agreed to start on the project the following week, so we wrote him a check for $20,000 to cover the expenses of the subcontractors to build the retaining walls.
As it turned out, our friend was experiencing financial difficulties and spent the $20,000 on items other than the renovating of our yard. He hid this from my wife and me for months, continually telling us he would start in a few weeks. Since we loved and trusted him, we never suspected him of dishonesty. When we finally discovered the truth, the summer was over, our yard was still undeveloped, and we were out $20,000. It was frustrating for us, and we were unsure of the most appropriate way to handle the situation.
As I pondered how to respond, the Lord’s Prayer came to my mind, “Give us this day our daily bread.” (Matthew 6:11, King James Version) Reading this passage helped me realize that everything we have comes from God, so nothing that we have is really ours. God gave me the $20,000, so the money our friend had taken was not mine, but the Lord’s.
The prayer continues, “forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. . . For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” (Matthew 6:12,14–15, King James Version) I also read the parable the Savior taught in answer to Peter’s questions about how often he should forgive. In this parable, a servant was forgiven by the king a debt of 10,000 talents (60 million pence, approximately $3 billion in 2006 value). “But the same servant went out, and found one of his fellowservants, which owed him an hundred pence: [approximately $5,000 in 2006 values] and he laid hands on him, and took him by the throat, saying, Pay me that thou owest. And his fellowservant fell down at his feet, and besought him, saying, Have patience with me, and I will pay thee all. And he would not: but went and cast him into prison, till he should pay the debt.” (Matthew 18:28–30, King James Version)
As I read these passages, the thought came into my mind that I should forgive this $20,000 debt. I recalled many of my own trespasses the Lord had forgiven. Shouldn’t I exercise the same compassion and mercy toward my friend? The Lord had forgiven me of debts far greater than $20,000, and He provided me with the $20,000 in the first place.
I called our friend to discuss the situation. He apologized for his dishonesty and for the pain and frustration he had caused our family. He said that he wanted to return our money and that he didn’t have the money currently, but if we were patient with him, he would eventually pay us back. I read him the Lord’s Prayer and the Lord’s parable on forgiveness and told him that the debt was forgiven. He initial resisted the idea saying, “$20,000 is a lot of money; I must pay you back. I cannot take your money.” I explained that the money was not mine, but the Lord’s. It was not me, but the Lord, who was forgiving the debt. He thanked me, expressing what a help this was to him and his four children. I showed appreciation for his gratitude, but asked that he direct his thanks not to me, but to the Lord.
We are often caught up in the “mine, mine, mine” mentality, allowing greed and selfishness into our hearts. Once we can say “It is the Lord’s” instead of “It is mine” we are freed from the attachment to treasures that can be corrupted by rust or taken by thieves. (Matthew 6:19)
Photo by bortescristian.
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Let me be the first to say: I will finish the job in the backyard for you with just a $10,000 advance.
This reminds me a bit of the old joke that goes:
A fierce storm was causing the river to rise, trapping a man in his home. The man prayed to God to save him. Just then, a 4wd vehicle with oversized tires came along. The driver said, “Quick, get in!” The man replied, “No, I have prayed to God to save me and he will.”
The flood waters continued to rise, sending the man to the 2nd floor of his house. He prayed once again to God to save him. Just then, a boat came along. The driver said, “Quick, get in!” The man replied, “No, I have prayed to God to save me and he will.”
The flood waters continued to rise, sending the man to the roof of his house. He prayed once again to God to save him. Just then, a helicopter came along. The pilot let down a rope and yelled, “Grab the rope!” The man replied, “No, I have prayed to God to save me and he will.”
The flood waters rose further, and the man drowned. He met God in heaven. “God,” the man said, “I prayed and prayed, why didn’t you save me?” “Not save you?” Asked God, “I sent an SUV, a boat, and a helicopter. What more could I do?”
My point here is, if the guy wants to pay you back or complete the work, let him.
The bible also tells us to pay our debts. He should pay you back.
It’s nice to forgive, however he’s got a responsibility. By letting him off, you’re only encouraging him to do this again.
It’s probably better for you to forgive as the anger could really eat at a person. That’s a lot of money to lose to a dishonest, trusted friend.
Wow! You were going to spend $40,000 on building a couple of walls???? I’m not sure how that fits into being frugal. We live on a high cliff overlooking the ocean and there is no way I could ever entertain doing that. I simply have to keep my kids away from the cliff. $40,000 ….. wow that’s more than year’s salary for us. Not my idea of being frugal — not even close, more like extravagant
@MITBeta, Sara — I wasn’t sure if you caught that this was a guest post, not one by Lynnae…?
My takeaway was that if you have the attitude and orientation of the author — whether rooted in religion, spirituality, karma, or anything else — you will have greater ability to make it through tough times or events that seem at first to be such bad luck that your initial inclination is only to be mad, curse your luck, etc.
Hi, yes I did catch it was a guest post (only after I’d submitted my post though — I just couldn’t believe what I was reading on a ‘frugal’ website) and also what you mentioned about giving. While I do see (and even agree) with the the principle the author is saying, I don’t feel it’s a good example for a site that promotes being frugal. (Spending $40,000.00 on a couple of walls is not being frugal) Certainly not what I read frugal sites for anyway. This story reminds me of the Bible story about the Widow’s mite — how all the ‘rich’ people gave out of what they had (thinking how wonderful they were for giving so much), with lots left over for themselves while the widow had nothing really to give and yet she did. So while the author did give away (for lack of a better term) $20.000, he obviously had it to give — he just wrote out a cheque for that amount, like it was twenty dollars. When I read articles, web sites etc. on being frugal, I just can’t relate to anyone who a) would spend $40,000.00 on a couple of walls and b) who has 20 grand to ‘give away’ and when he does think he’s doing great and wonderful things. We struggle to put food on our table so spending $40,000.00 on a couple of walls seems very extravagant to me.
I don’t see the connection between this guest post and the overall theme of this site – can someone tell me how spending a HUGE chunk of $$, having a friend turn out to be an incredibly dishonest thief and in the end say ‘oh well, it’s God’s money’ relate to being frugal???
I understand the author is trying to send the message to let go of material things and recognize the greater value is in your faith and relationship with God – but this story was NOT the best example. The overwhelming detail in this story is that this individual was planning to spend a huge amount of money – and it’s my opinion that many people visit ‘being frugal’ to get insight, motivation and see examples of ways that being frugal can be beneficial to thief life. I don’t believe that the majority of this site’s audience can relate to spending $40K on a retaining wall.
wow, not sure I could do that. Besides it’s a good rule of thumb to put down a smaller deposit and make payments as the proceeds.
Wow! I missed a lot while I was at church this morning!
For those of you who are newer to my site, I try to weave some spiritual insight into my posts on Sundays. This guest post fit well with that, so I chose to run it today.
When I decided to run this post, it was for one reason. My entire motivation for being frugal is that my money, my time, my resources belong to God, and therefore I need to make the most frugal use of those resources that I can, so I can glorify Him. I think this post exemplifies that well.
While I don’t believe everyone should just blindly forgive a debt, I do believe that in this case that’s what God was leading the author to do, and I admire his willingness to follow God’s leading when so much was at stake.
As far as frugality goes, I don’t think we can judge the author’s “frugalness” based on this one article. My definition of being frugal has always been to use my resources in the best way to help me meet my goals in life. For me, a $40,0000 retaining wall is out of the question. But we don’t know the author’s situation. If he had the money to pay cash (and obviously he did, as he was able to forgive the debt), and he needed a safe place for his children to play, I don’t necessarily think improving his property to create that place is “unfrugal.”
Who knows what else he uses his home for. Perhaps he has Bible studies with families with children and uses his property to glorify God. I don’t think that just because a person has the money to spend on a retaining wall makes that person not frugal.
I found this post very enlightening. I also found that I had to ask myself “Could I do the same?” The author did the right thing in forgiving the debt, could I have done it? I’m not sure. The one thing I would have done different is to tell the friend while he did not need repay me, help someone else by forgiving them, and this will spread the good will.
What’s the point of committing to a debt or contract if everybody forgives everybody.. That would not be reasonable in my opinion.
It’s good to forgive people, you would forgive them for the sin of stealing. However, you should expect to be repaid, and help that person keep to their commitment.
Wow. That’s just unbelievable. As a business owner, I expect to be held accountable for my work. If I do something that costs them money, I expect to be called on it and I expect to fix the problem. If someone can’t follow through on a project, they shouldn’t be in business. Period.
Forgiving $20,000 on a failed business contract is not charity.
The least that should be done is that you hold the contractor accountable for building the wall, on his own dime. Not holding business owners accountable for bad (and in this case, patently illegal) behavior just condones the behavior and sets a bad precedent for future clients of his. What has he learned other than that you won’t hold him accountable for his actions? What lesson did he learn other than he can spend a client’s money on personal things and that he won’t be held legally liable? He learned that contracts don’t mean a thing, that he can break the law without consequences, and that he doesn’t have to honor his commitments.
My understanding from reading the author’s book is that he is founder of a couple of companies and is a millionaire. So he does have the money to build a $40,000 retaining wall. It may not be the best or most frugal choice for us, but if he’s got the money and wants to spend it this way I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing..
As far as the story – I think it really shows how powerful forgiveness is. I tend to think that people should pay their debts as well, and I think the man still could if he thinks he should – I know I would. But to me the point of the story is this – We are only stewards of our things/money, we need to use them wisely and for the betterment of our fellow man.
As an aside, I did an interview with the author of this post over the weekend. You can find it HERE
You are more forgiving that most people, I’m sure of that. I’m thinking the world would be a better place if more thought like you.
Joe
Last time I checked, God didn’t use money. He gave us the means to make money to keep ourselves and our families feed and safe. It’s not His money. What would He do with money?
I hope the nothing happens to the kids now that there is no wall. I wonder how God would feel if a child was injured or worse because Lynnae decided it was His money, not hers!
Forgiving the debt is admirable, and many of us would not have been so forgiving. But to bring God into it is a sacrilege.
Lisa, I’m going to have to disagree with you, at least from my perspective. Though I wasn’t the one to forgive the debt (this is a guest post), I do agree with Cameron Taylor that everything belongs to God. No, God does not need money, but I think the Bible is pretty clear (parable of the talents, for instance) that the things we have on this earth are entrusted to us to take care of, but everything belongs to God. It’s His earth. He created us. He gave us the ability to work. Without Him, we’d have nothing.
Cameron emailed me with a quote from his book that might explain his situation further. Here’s the quote:
“The prosperous have developed the habit of buying things wholesale. I am wearing a nice long-sleeve Hathaway Golf® shirt which would cost $50 at a golf shop; however I would never buy clothes at a golf shop. I purchased this shirt new for $2 at a Salvation Army Thrift Store. When my wife and I were looking to purchase a home, we searched for a home we could buy below its value. We search for over a year. The home we purchased for $284,000 in 2002 had been valued at $386,000 by the tax assessor, and this was the amount the seller paid property tax on the previous year. We also negotiated to receive $8,000 at closing for improvements on the property so the actual cost of the home was $276,000. I was able to purchase a house at more than $100,000 below its value. The house is now valued at over $500,000. We paid off the mortgage in 3 years.”
In my opinion, he was pretty frugal with the purchase of the house, even though he was spending a lot of money on a retaining wall to improve the property. And by forgiving his friend’s debt, he probably helped his friend out of a tight situation and perhaps made such an impression on his friend that he changed his ways.