Comments on: (Not) Keeping Up With Our Parents: The Decision to Have Children

By: Tina Holliday

Tina Holliday — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 16:35:15 +0000

My husband and I have one son who is 2 1/2 and we are in the big debate about #2. I know that we both would like to have another child but financially I think it would be so stressful for us. I am 34 and would like to be done having children by the time I am 36 and so I am worried that I will make a decision that could hurt our family by having another child.

I know we would love another child but right now our budget is tight enough that there really isn’t any extra to be had. We have stressed about this decision for months now and still can’t make a decision. I don’t want in 10 years to wish I would have had another child. I feel like we are making a SMART choice instead of going with our hearts – not sure if that is good or bad. I wish we didn’t worry so much and just did it and figured it out but we are both worrying kind of people again not sure that is ever going to change – hence the reason another child might be too much for us.

Help!

By: Beth

Beth — Wed, 21 May 2008 18:33:30 +0000

I’m really interested in this whole discussion – I think that there are many issues facing people trying to make the decision.

I think it’s one thing if you don’t want children or are looking at a childfree lifestyle – then don’t feel pressured into having kids.

But if you are thinking yes you do want kids, then I tend to think that there isn’t a right time – it will always be difficult.

There is a blogger called Grad Mommy who has written about similiar issues and I’ve linked to her post on one of my posts!

By: Erin

Erin — Wed, 21 May 2008 03:36:57 +0000

your blog is an enjoyment to read and i especially love the bits about “(not) keeping up with our parents” sounds like a great book!

By: Marci

Marci — Wed, 21 May 2008 00:34:59 +0000

and another quip from the over 50 crowd…

there’s no way to have grandchildren without having children… (unless you “adopt” them…)
and I could just NOT imagine life without all my ‘little ones’ – all 7 and a half of them :)

The joys are more than multiplied, and it is about the best thing that can happen to a person :) Hard to explain until your first grandchild arrives – and then you are in a whole new wonderful world the likes of which you could never have imagined fully! :)

And yes, they ALL know that Grammi ‘shops’ at garage sales :) And they like to tag along.

By: Susan

Susan — Wed, 21 May 2008 00:21:25 +0000

I think if many people waited to have children until they felt they could afford them… well, those folks would still be waiting!

I agree that having children requires a balance and a huge shift in how you used to live. Your priorities change, but sometimes that priority shift makes it so that you couldn’t imagine NOT having children. The children are worth it. :)

By: Rebecca Rivera

Rebecca Rivera — Tue, 20 May 2008 15:38:08 +0000

I think if God blesses you with a child He will provide a way for you to provide for your family (if you are willing to work and not have all your wants and desires met.)

By: July Bucks

July Bucks — Tue, 20 May 2008 14:25:59 +0000

Thanks for the interesting post!
I agree with you that couples don’t need to wait to have children until they can afford them, though I understand that there can be considerable reasons for this. Apparently, making decision to have children when you don’t know how to get clear of debts and have financial problems, you don’t want to solve in time, is senseless. First of all we are to be able to take care of ourselves. I agree that it’s a good point to plan and set goals but this should be a real plan, otherwise you will never be ready to have children.
Educational fees are really high but kids don’t need to go to college right after they are born. I think you can have enough time to plan how much to save, let’s say monthly or yearly, and get prepared before you need to pay college fees.
Moreover I think that you will never be really good in budgeting and financial planning before you have children and real responsibility :))

By: Rachel @ Master Your Card

Rachel @ Master Your Card — Tue, 20 May 2008 07:00:38 +0000

I definitely think that you are never well off enough to have a child! I think that you will always have to make sacrifices in order to afford a child and so it doesn’t matter when you do it. I have 2 children and one of the reasons I am not having a third is financial – I would not only need to pay for fertility treatment again, I would a bigger house, bigger car and would almost certainly have to give up work as I just about to manage to work from home at the moment but with 3 children I cannot imagine being able to cope! However, this is only a small part of the decision there are many other influences as well and you need to weigh each up carefully.

By: Simple Mom

Simple Mom — Tue, 20 May 2008 05:57:21 +0000

Amen, Lynnae! I agree with every point you’ve made here. DH and I aren’t models for perfect financial fitness (though we’re doing a lot better since we decided, you know, to have a plan), but I canNOT imagine our family without our precious kiddos. They really are the best thing that’s happened to us, regardless of how expensive diapers are.

It really does sadden me to hear of more and more people waiting for the perfect time. As you said – that will never happen.

By: Kim

Kim — Tue, 20 May 2008 03:52:47 +0000

This message is for the previous comment from Becky:

Becky…have another child now before it’s too late!! I have that same feeling, where I wish now that I had had a bigger family. Just like you, I have two children, they are 7 years apart and are now in their 20s. I’m 46 and I have had this feeling for a long time. In my late 30s I thought about having one more, but I thought I was getting too old and my kids were getting too old to bring another baby into the family…now I wish so bad that I had done it! My older sister is the same way. She has everything – a gorgeous house, plenty of money, a wonderful husband – she had just one child (who is married but has decided she doesn’t want children herself so there will be no grandchildren), and my sister told me that she has only one regret in her life…not having more children. She thought they really couldn’t afford them when they were young…little did she know that by the time they would reach their 40s they would be very, very well off. Now they have a huge house with an inground swimming pool and lots of bedrooms…and it’s empty.