Comments on: When a Child Doesn’t Want to Learn

By: Father Sez » Archive » Round up for week ending 13 March 08

Father Sez » Archive » Round up for week ending 13 March 08 — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 10:43:41 +0000

[...] Lynnae did a full post to help me. A number of very constructive comments were made on my post. I also searched FMF’s archives and found a number of posts that should be relevant. [...]

By: Denise

Denise — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 15:39:43 +0000

I can’t believe that her age she doesn’t know how to handle a budget after all children get allowance and have to spend it on things, she has to know her expenses and stuff, some people are afraid of the whole money thing but it is important that she’ll learns and fast.

By: Lynnae

Lynnae — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 05:37:37 +0000

@Frugal Mom LA – That is a very good point about stewardship. That’s what I strive for when I talk about being frugal. Being a good steward of everything I’ve been given…from my money to my family to my home to my health.

It’s all about doing your best with what you’ve got. And you can’t do your best if you don’t know what you have.

By: Frugal Mom LA

Frugal Mom LA — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 02:17:37 +0000

The Protestant denomination in which I’m currently a member references “stewardship” quite a bit. Although it’s not a money-centric church, there is an expectation that we are to be good stewards of our time, talent, and resources. I like that approach because it doesn’t focus exclusively on just financial contributions. There is also time and talent. I think, though, that this young woman will be remiss if she puts her head in the send. Someone give her a book by Suze Orman (or someone else who focuses on women’s empowerment through financial awareness)! I may have found it odd, but now I appreciate my father’s soliloquy’s at the dinner table on the finer points of shorting stocks. I was one of the few students in my (all-girl’s) high school who charted stock prices for a school project (per my father’s suggestion)!

By: fathersez

fathersez — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 23:35:00 +0000

Thank you for taking the time and trouble to write this post.

The idea of a woman mentor sounds good.

A person with whom the girls feel comfortable and who may be able to say/advice the girls.

I believe BC needs to find the girls’ switch. A Bible centric approach, a right time, aright advisor and I think all will fall in place.

I have forwarded this link to BC. Let him see and get a feel of what other pf people think about his situation.

By: Kyle

Kyle — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 23:19:23 +0000

I like your advice Lynnae. A mentor would be a good first step. Although like some of the comments have suggested, you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it balance a checkbook! I would suggest the parents don’t do ANYTHING for her financially. Make her do her own finances and deal with the consequences that come with not taking it seriously. My 2 cents.

By: Deamiter

Deamiter — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 23:15:47 +0000

I’m with plonkee and Frugal Babe — once a person is capable of living independently, the best way to help them learn if they refuse to listen is to allow them to fail.

It’s painful to see your children fail at something, but it’s also vital and healthy. Quite simply, if she doesn’t lose enough to learn the value of financial planning now, she’ll end up broke and unprepared later when she has less time to make up for mistakes (and has potentially lost her parental safety net).

By: plonkee

plonkee — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 19:21:20 +0000

I commented on the original post and said pretty much the same thing as you Lynnae, complete with Bible references (well, vague ones anyway)!

I also agree with Jaimie, unless she’s even slightly willing to learn, she’s not going to. From the original post, it sounds like she earns a very good salary and she doesn’t overspend. I’d be tempted to charge her rent, and make her deal with her own money. She’s got a lot of wiggle room to get it wrong in.

By: paidtwice

paidtwice — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 18:59:49 +0000

All I can say is, good luck.

I have a lot of personal experience around this one (my brother). And, basically, good luck. He’s less responsible in general that this woman sounds so maybe throwing her out there to deal will work. But, if she’s like my brother, you’ll throw her out there, she won;t deal with anything (even though she has the money, she won’t pay stuff) and eventually you’ll take her back in, and the collection agencies from when you threw her out there to manage will still be calling.

I used to be pretty critical of my parents and how they enable my middle sibling to not take responsibility for a lot of things. then my mom said to me “Would you rather we let him starve?” amd also, I had kids of my own. it is complicated when it is your kid.

By: Frugal Babe

Frugal Babe — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 18:06:30 +0000

It seems that her parents are enabling her behavior. I’m sure they love her dearly and are doing what they think will help her, but they are obviously accepting the responsibility of taking her paycheck and managing it for her. I would say that the first thing they should do is stop managing her money for her and stop providing any financial assistance. They should let her know that they will be doing this by a certain date (so that she isn’t caught off guard, and has some time to figure out a solution on her own). By taking care of everything for her, they’re allowing her to be passive about money.