What do you do with an otherwise responsible young woman who doesn’t want to learn about money management?
A couple of days ago, Father Sez wrote about his friend BC’s daughter, who doesn’t seem to want to learn about personal finance. You can read the entire post for all the details, but here’s a brief rundown.
The oldest daughter has gone to law school and is a practicing lawyer. However, she doesn’t really seem to enjoy law. She would rather pursue some type of ministry.
She lives below her means, but still relies on her parents to pay some of her expenses. When she gets paid, she turns her paycheck over to her mother to manage. When encouraged to learn about personal finance, she tends to reply with “The Lord Will Provide.”
Father Sez asked my opinion on this situation. Where do I begin?
I believe the prudent thing for this young woman to do would be to learn about personal finance as soon as possible. While I can understand the daughter’s sentiment that the Lord will provide (after all, I’ve said that before on this blog),
I don’t think that means we can be passive
about our financial situations.
Several times in scripture we are told to take good care of our resources. This is said of the virtuous woman of Proverbs 31 (vs. 16-18)
She considers a field and buys it;out of her earnings she plants a vinyard.She sets about her work vigorously;her arms are strong for her tasks.She sees that her trading is profitable,and her lamp does not go out at night.
These verses imply that the woman of Proverbs 31 knew where she stood financially. She took an active role in managing the financial affairs of her family. She knew that she had enough money to buy the field. She knew enough to ensure that she was getting a good deal on what she traded. She built up an emergency fund of sorts, making sure that she had enough oil for her lamps at night.
I think that scripture is pretty clear that we are not to be passive with our resources. In fact, there are over 2000 scriptures about money.
Beyond the fact that taking an active role in your finances is Biblical, there’s the practical issue of being prepared. Nobody likes to think about such things, but if this girl’s parents were to die suddenly, she would have to learn the ins and outs of personal finance in the midst of her grief. It’s better to be prepared ahead of time, so if the unthinkable were to happen, she could focus on her emotions.
The big question is how to best go about teaching this young woman about finances, when she doesn’t seem to want to learn. I think the best thing for her would be to find an older, wiser woman to mentor her in the area of finances. At this point in her life, I doubt her parents would be very effective teachers. Let’s face it. Young adults generally think they know more than their parents. It would be better to find someone farther removed from this situation to take on the role of instructor.
I’m confident that with the right instruction BC’s daughter can go on to become very successful in the area of personal finance. After all, I didn’t know much about personal finance when I graduated from college. It took a long time to learn what I know, and in many ways I’m still learning. But I know a lot more than I used to. And she can learn, too.
What advice would you give to BC about his daughter?
Photo by Alaskan Dude.
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It seems that her parents are enabling her behavior. I’m sure they love her dearly and are doing what they think will help her, but they are obviously accepting the responsibility of taking her paycheck and managing it for her. I would say that the first thing they should do is stop managing her money for her and stop providing any financial assistance. They should let her know that they will be doing this by a certain date (so that she isn’t caught off guard, and has some time to figure out a solution on her own). By taking care of everything for her, they’re allowing her to be passive about money.
All I can say is, good luck.
I have a lot of personal experience around this one (my brother). And, basically, good luck. He’s less responsible in general that this woman sounds so maybe throwing her out there to deal will work. But, if she’s like my brother, you’ll throw her out there, she won;t deal with anything (even though she has the money, she won’t pay stuff) and eventually you’ll take her back in, and the collection agencies from when you threw her out there to manage will still be calling.
I used to be pretty critical of my parents and how they enable my middle sibling to not take responsibility for a lot of things. then my mom said to me “Would you rather we let him starve?” amd also, I had kids of my own. it is complicated when it is your kid.
I commented on the original post and said pretty much the same thing as you Lynnae, complete with Bible references (well, vague ones anyway)!
I also agree with Jaimie, unless she’s even slightly willing to learn, she’s not going to. From the original post, it sounds like she earns a very good salary and she doesn’t overspend. I’d be tempted to charge her rent, and make her deal with her own money. She’s got a lot of wiggle room to get it wrong in.
I’m with plonkee and Frugal Babe — once a person is capable of living independently, the best way to help them learn if they refuse to listen is to allow them to fail.
It’s painful to see your children fail at something, but it’s also vital and healthy. Quite simply, if she doesn’t lose enough to learn the value of financial planning now, she’ll end up broke and unprepared later when she has less time to make up for mistakes (and has potentially lost her parental safety net).
I like your advice Lynnae. A mentor would be a good first step. Although like some of the comments have suggested, you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it balance a checkbook! I would suggest the parents don’t do ANYTHING for her financially. Make her do her own finances and deal with the consequences that come with not taking it seriously. My 2 cents.
Thank you for taking the time and trouble to write this post.
The idea of a woman mentor sounds good.
A person with whom the girls feel comfortable and who may be able to say/advice the girls.
I believe BC needs to find the girls’ switch. A Bible centric approach, a right time, aright advisor and I think all will fall in place.
I have forwarded this link to BC. Let him see and get a feel of what other pf people think about his situation.
The Protestant denomination in which I’m currently a member references “stewardship” quite a bit. Although it’s not a money-centric church, there is an expectation that we are to be good stewards of our time, talent, and resources. I like that approach because it doesn’t focus exclusively on just financial contributions. There is also time and talent. I think, though, that this young woman will be remiss if she puts her head in the send. Someone give her a book by Suze Orman (or someone else who focuses on women’s empowerment through financial awareness)! I may have found it odd, but now I appreciate my father’s soliloquy’s at the dinner table on the finer points of shorting stocks. I was one of the few students in my (all-girl’s) high school who charted stock prices for a school project (per my father’s suggestion)!
@Frugal Mom LA – That is a very good point about stewardship. That’s what I strive for when I talk about being frugal. Being a good steward of everything I’ve been given…from my money to my family to my home to my health.
It’s all about doing your best with what you’ve got. And you can’t do your best if you don’t know what you have.
I can’t believe that her age she doesn’t know how to handle a budget after all children get allowance and have to spend it on things, she has to know her expenses and stuff, some people are afraid of the whole money thing but it is important that she’ll learns and fast.
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