What are you really paying for when you spend $1000 on a stroller?
A stroller for $1099.99. A year of preschool for $30,440. $10,000 for a pair of jeans. I could go on. Why would people pay that much money for everyday items?
It’s not out of necessity. You can buy a highly rated infant travel system for less than $200. My son’s preschool charges about $800 for a year. Granted, it’s only part time, and it’s the least expensive preschool around, but it’s nowhere close to $30,000. And a very usable pair of jeans costs less than $50. In fact, I rarely pay more than $25.
So if people aren’t paying outrageous sums of money for the use of a product, what are they paying for? It all comes down to one thing.
Status
Everything is about "the best" in the United States today. We must have the best education, the best house on the block, the best car, the best clothes. We train our kids to be the best soccer players from an early age. We pay children to get the best grades.
People are paying thousands of dollars to be "The Best". But if the title of best can be bought, is it really the best? If status can be purchased with a dollar amount, anyone who comes into money can have status. It doesn’t matter how they got it. A person can buy a $1000 stroller with money that they worked hard for, inherited, or even stole. What does that say about status? Basically, it’s worthless.
And what happens when your status symbol is gone? What if you wreck your Hummer and can’t afford a new one? Are you less worthy? What if your business partner gets involved in some illegal activity, and you lose everything? Are you less of a person? If you get fired from your job, are you worthless as a member of society?
Placing your worth in things, in looks, in status symbols is a dangerous game. Any of those things can be gone in an instant. Not to be depressing, but things can get stolen or ruined. Your face can become disfigured in a car accident. Your status can disappear with the winds of change in what society sees as important.
Put Your Value in Things That Don’t Change
It’s better to place your value in things that don’t change. Your values. Your integrity. What you stand for. It’s no secret that I’m a Christian and place my worth in being a child of God. But even if you’re not a Christian, place your status in something more worthwhile than a thing that can be bought.
If you determine your value by something intrinsic, it can’t be taken from you. I know that my faith won’t go away, regardless of my financial situation, regardless of how I look, and regardless of what others may think of me. It will be with me, unless I let it go. It’s up to me. And even then, God will never stop loving me.
Furthermore, placing my value in something intrinsic is easier on my budget. I don’t feel the need to keep up with the Jonses to prove that I’m worthy. I won’t be buying $10,000 jeans to prove there’s nobody else like me. I already know it.
Where do you place your value? Have you ever been tempted to buy things you can’t afford to make yourself look better in the eyes of others? Please share in the comments. And there will be no judgment from me. I’ve done it before too. :)
Update: Shana, one of my regular readers, wrote a very good rebuttal piece to this post. You should read it. It makes you think!
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I agree. I am a single mom of two boys and I make less than everyone I know, but I pay all my bills, don’t have debt, and have 2-3 months worth or emergency money in the bank. (This is all God.) But it is all about priorities. Our vacuum is over 12 years old but it still works. A friend (who just bought a house they can not afford) asked, “why don’t you buy a new vacuum, you can get one for like $200?” Why, mine still works great. I use up my stuff until is is dead. I also drive my cars until they die. (I have a 1995 right now.) I have no car payment and cheaper car insurance. We do not go on vacations (we do lots of free stuff in our area, plus camping in summer with family.) We meal plan and spend about $50 a week on groceries, including lots of milk and fruit and veggies. We buy most our clothes used (or get hand me downs.) God meets all our needs, we are not deprieved. We rent a home that is the perfect size for us with a nice yard to play in. I work from home (I run an in home daycare to save on daycare.) We are all healthy. God also meets many of our wants.
Instead of buying stuff we don’t need, we tithe 10%, and give away another 10%. There is always someone who has less and since we are so blessed we want to share.
Now of course I have my weaknesses, dollar stores and books call my name, but I use cash and buy used books to satisfy that. And for every item that comes into our house, one item goes out.
Thanks for reminding us what is and isn’t important,
I like your blog. -Becky
Becky – That is a fantastic perspective! Thank you so much for sharing your story. It’s inspired me!
You are so right, Lynnae.
Maybe you can also remind them status seekers that their $1,000 sroller may have been made in the sweatshops of China or Vietnam or whereever the current cheapest manufacturing hubs are.
One good way to look at the value of status is to look at people in power who lose their posts and hence their power. The status dissapears almost overnight.
You make some really important points – I know too many people who buy lots of “status” items. And I’m always aghast when I see someone paying $60 for a blanket at Babystyle.
But don’t forget to remind people how dangerous it is to judge someone based solely on appearances! The mom with the Bugaboo may have received it as a hand-me-down or done careful research and decided it was best for her needs (I seem to recall reading that the stroller is particularly common in NYC, where they walk more than drive).
Personally, I don’t buy designer duds or even high-end baby gear, but I will be paying a stunning amount for my kids to attend private school – not for status but because I want them to have the best education and experience possible. I know they would probably do just fine at a public school, but “fine” isn’t really enough for us – we want our children to be challenged, have unique opportunities, great resources, etc. It’s simply a decision we’ve made based on our priorities.
@fathersez – Good point!
@CFO – You make a good point too. And I should have been more clear. I’m not talking about judging on appearances in my post. I get some killer deals on expensive items myself, from time to time. So if you can get expensive items for much less, more power to you! (general you…not aiming this at you, CFO).
I also don’t have a problem with private school. Should we ever become unhappy with our local public school, private school is definitely an option we’ll consider. But $30,000 for a year of preschool is a bit much. My experience has been that regardless of preschool experience, by the end of kindergarten most kids have evened out as far as where they’re at academically.
I’m definitely middle of the road on this topic. Even had a post typed up about it to publish first thing this morning and got out of bed at midnight to delete it so I could think on it some more. Basically, I think there is definitely something to buying quality items. But quality doesn’t always cost more. Sometimes it does though and I am willing to pay the price for certain things.
I am in complete agreement with the idea to not place my own value on what I own. I am more than my stuff. But I guess there’s a middle ground for me because if I have to buy something, I am willing to pay a bit more for something that will get used often and last a long time.
Babygear I just don’t understand though. They grow so fast. Even the highest priced and quality item only gets used for such a short time, I would have a hard time justifying it.
Yeah, I’ve been caught up in the whole name thing before. Sometimes a name brand is actually better and worth it but usually it is just status. Now I get a kick out of buying my Calvin Klein jeans at BJ’s for $25! Or my shirts at Century 21 for half off. I get the quality behind the name for a fraction of the price.
And the $1000 stroller? I’ve heard those are real impractical with a car! They don’t fold up well. All that money and you can’t transport it. They look neat though don’t they? See, I’m getting caught up in it again!
I’ve heard that true freedom is freedom from stuff. No possessions. Perhaps that’s correct.
Thanks for bringing us back down to earth! I need that every now and then.
@Emily – There’s definitely something to be said about paying for quality, and there’s nothing wrong with that. In the end it’s better to spend money on quality bookshelves than on the cheap shelves at Walmart (learned that one the hard way). However, there comes a point when you’re paying for way more than quality….such as the case of the stroller, the preschool, and the jeans I mentioned. Surely there are high quality items for much less out there!
Very good article. We as a society have too much stuff, spend too much and want to much. Less is more, it is easier is take care of simple things than to take care of status cymbals. My friend has a volvo, old but still a volvo. Her mechanic charges three times what mine does because of the volvo. Now she is looking for a cheaper car to maintain.
Give me money in my pocket and a cheap pair of jeans anyday.
You know, the whole “keeping up with the Joneses” thing seems to get personal when it comes to one thing my husband and I have: Our car. Well, maybe even both of them, considering we’re very proud to be a two sports car family. =] (No kids here, just cars! No car payments either!) Well, nobody pays too much mind to mine, the ‘97. But our 2001 S2000… She gets a lot of attention. Mainly because she looks like she cost a lot more than we actually paid for her. (In fact, we paid $3,000 under Blue Book value for her, and we’ve been offered more than what we paid by multiple dealerships. Wouldn’t sell her for the world, though!)
I’m rather annoyed at the looks and comments we get every so often. I have a feeling people see our car, then seem to dream up something that involves a lot more just based on one thing we own. We don’t have a house, we rent. We don’t have a flat screen tv, we’d rather save for another car or save for upgrades to the ones we have. We made our cars a priority, and spent our money accordingly. People are quick, though, to assume we have lots of money, so we get treated rather poorly by some…
Lol! As the owner of a paid-for sports car, I understand where Foxie is coming from!
I really like what Becky Rivera said:
“And for every item that comes into our house, one item goes out.”
Wow! What an awesome idea! This is definitely something I should make a goal of. :)
@Foxie – I’m sorry you’re getting the nasty looks! It sounds like your car is almost your hobby, and you got a good deal! In your case it sounds like the money spent on the car was worth it, because you got a good deal, it’s something you and your husband enjoy together, and you didn’t go into debt to do it.
I see that a little bit differently than I see the examples of the stroller and the jeans, and I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s because it’s a hobby to you, and not just something that you use for a short period of time, and then it wears out.
Any thoughts?
@Becky@FAF – I’m definitely shooting for the goal of one in, one out as soon as I get all the unnecessary junk out of our house. Talk about paying for status. I have a lot of useless stuff! Where did it all come from? I’m working on it though.
Oh for sure there is no *need* for $10,000 on jeans for them to be quality or $1000 on a stroller for quality.
And like Foxie, I get the looks over my BMW that I drive – that is 17 years old and cost $4,000 cash but people still just see BMW and think I’m rich. For us, it was just a practical purchase of a vehicle that we’d not lose money on and would last a long time. I decided just to laugh about what others think. I know I’m not rich. And I’m not trying to look it. You can’t do much about what others think.
I had to adapt to this early on (being more than my stuff) since my parents sent me to private school and had very little left over for clothes and stuff. Hence I was wearing hand-me-downs from my cousins (who were 9 and 4 years older). Things were out of style, old, etc. We also couldn’t afford a lot of new toys.
In some ways, I’m still a bit scarred by the experience. Kids can be cruel. Much worse than adults, I think. Because they’ll say what they’re thinking.
On the other hand, I had time to learn that my value wasn’t in my stuff or my clothes. I was able to find other ways of amusing myself than accumulation (reading, imagination play, etc). And then 4th grade came and we left and things got a lot easier.
I don’t dig the whole status thing – never have, even in my younger days. It’s a waste of money, time, and effort.
And I’m so with you on the jeans thing. I found a pair of jeans (new) for under $10 bucks that make me look hot – at least my husband says so. You totally can’t beat that – hot for under $10 bucks!!!
I am kind of wishy washy about these things. And I think it all comes down to priorities, as others said. Some of us prioritize things differently.
For example, I dress horribly. I am okay with that for now, and I am a disaster that What Not To Wear is waiting to happen to. But SLOWLY I have been trying to upgrade my wardrobe into “adult” wear vs college-leftovers. And finding clothes that truly fit can be expensive. I spent over $100 on one single bra. That is probably more than my entire collection of shirts cost. lol. But, well, I’m… blessed? in that area and needed some special help. lol
(I did find the same bra on the internet once I went through with the fitting to get the right size etc etc for about 30% cheaper so bought two more that way. lol)
I have been buying a lot of clothes at Goodwill though. I am not proud, I will wear other’s castoffs. I found a dress for a party there that actually fit me and looked good on me and on the internet was about $200 – for $4.50. Can’t beat that. lol.
I think if I found a pair of jeans that actually flattered my body and fit well I’d spend $100 or more for them. Probably not $10,000 though :)
Lynnae, it’s interesting to watch how grown ups get wrapped up in status symbols themselves, and then wonder why they’re kids are begging for the latest and greatest “name brand” clothing and shoes.
I have never cared about name brands, and fortunately my children grew up to understand the value of a dollar, and are all very frugal with their money. I think I musta done something right! :)
Like paidtwice, I shop at goodwill for clothes. It’s a new thing for me. I find really cute stuff, sometimes with tags still on and it amuses me that those are the things I get the most compliments on.
And I own jeans that I spent more than $100 on and get a lot more wear out of them than any other because they fit and flatter like no other. I wonder if that means I paid for esteem.
I agree with what you are saying Lynnae-sometimes people pay a lot more than necessary to “show off”.
I go back and forth on these things.
Sometimes I believe that good quality is necessary and am willing to pay extra for something that may last longer, but most times, I try to find the good quality stuff at rock bottom cost.
I buy second hand and shop clearance sales at department stores.
When it comes to my kids-I only buy new shoes, everything is second hand or hand me downs from cousins and friends. They go through stuff so fast, no sense in paying big money for something that will last one month.
I also think that those people who pay a grand for a stroller are insane. My kids always HATED the stroller and I stopped trying to use it once they could walk. I’d rather hold hands and walk slowly with the toddlers than face them screaming bloody murder to get out of the stroller. lol.
Great post, great thoughts!
Take Care
LJ
What immediately popped into my mind is that there is nothing wrong with being or having the best. BUT, what really IS the best?
You can buy a $400,000 Ferrari and go 0 to 60 in 5 seconds. Or you can buy a $35,000 Toyota Avalon and go 0 to 60 in 7 seconds. Or a $5,000 used Honda Accord and go 0 to 60 in 10 seconds. Is it worth $395,000 to save 5 seconds?
The difference between “really good” and “the best” has shrunk in many areas, clothing, restaurants, vehicles, housing.
Wouldn’t the “best” thing be to be happy with “really good” and save your money? I’d be happy with that particular “best.”
Lynnae, I love reading your posts because you always make me think. Occasionally I get really caught up in finance and fitness etc etc but you’re right…when it comes down to it everything superficial could be gone in a second. If I had to guess MOST people in their 20s-30s and maybe even 40s are too caught up in the superficial. A lot of times there is nothing harder than examining one’s self about your motives…something a lot of people should do.
My cars are definitely my hobby, that’s why I don’t mind having them for an expense. I’d rather end up living in a tiny house and having a nice selection of cars to be able to enjoy! (Of course, in some areas it’s almost impossible to find a tiny house anymore…)
Emily – Do people automatically think you’re snobby too? I find it amusing how most people react to the BMW’s I see around here – the majority are 3 series and cost just as much as any other car. Even the Z3’s and Z4’s aren’t as much as people seem to think.
As for what Ron says about the Ferrari, there’s a LOT more to that price tag than it’s 0 to 60 time. Can that Avalon or Accord take corners as fast as the Ferrari? I sure don’t think so! And I’m willing to bet my life that that Ferrari is much, much safer than either of those. And, with the strides they’ve made over the past twenty years or so, just as reliable. Maybe a bit more in insurance, though. Gotta watch out for the pricks who’ll be happy to put dents in your doors with theirs because they’re jealous. =| (Besides, the thing I’m looking forward to most about owning a Ferrari are the track days I’ll get to do with her – She was made for it, it’d be a shame to not let her do what she’s good at!)
I like your point about the best. Do we really always need the best? Isn’t good enough good enough sometimes?
I loved getting quality baby items and clothes at garage sales. And I love getting my $4 jeans at Goodwill. I do not enjoy the hunt though, it is much easier to go where all the clothes are lined up in order of size and color!
I just checked out the preschool, and I think you missed something important — it appears that that $30K includes LUNCH as well. That makes all the difference, doesn’t it? ;)
Well, lunch is definitely worth $30K! LOL
Lynnae,
I remember writing about status symbols a few months ago – and it is amazing how many people get their self-worth from THINGS!!! I am in agreement with you and even for the non-christians it would be a good idea NOT to be defined by your stuff. Stuff comes and goes – some things are eternal ;)
Um. I’m afraid I’m the voice of dissent on this post. I agree with parts of it (it’s a bad idea to link self-worth to purchases), but I disagree strongly with the “if someone spends an “excessive” amount of money on something, they’re only doing so to buy status” part. I actually got quite riled up about this last night, and my rebuttal ended up becoming so long that I wrote my own post. :) It’s not meant as a criticism against Lynnae or any of the other commenters — I just have a different opinion, especially when it comes to clothing.
Those interested can read my full thoughts at: http://smarteasymoney.blogspot.....ality.html
Shana, I think you are reading the comments too generously – not all the comments completely agreed with Lynnae’s post. Although I’m not going to pay $10000 for a pair of jeans (my financial situation says that would be a stupid idea) I’ve paid much more than the walmart equivalent for several items of my clothing, and if I could find jeans that looked good on me, I’d be willing to pay more than average for them, definitely.
I like to go to Goodwill though and try to make other people pay the initial price so I get it after depreciation. ;) I am wearing my tres cute Gap sweats right now that still had tags at Goodwill. lol
And when we are seeking status, we are teaching our children inappropriate values.
Great post today.
Blessings,
Jen
I agree paidtwice. I knew that not everyone was polar opposites in the comment arena — I just wanted to make sure my response wasn’t viewed as a response against a specific person. :) I’m totally with you on shopping at Goodwill and finding great deals that way. I love the cashmere cardigan I found, and Goodwill and other thrift stores have provided me with some spectacular deals, too.
I couldn’t agree more. Thanks for a great post.
I have an expensive stroller. it was a present mind. but I think it is brilliant. it does everything I need it to and I use it every day. it is well designed.
But my real point is this. expensive stuff is really only very expensive brand new. and second hand quality holds its value. therefore if you buy the brand second hand. you get the status and the quality and when you are through with it you can sell it on ebay and get most of your money back. specifically with baby stuff. My stroller cost about £GBP500 new and is worth about £250 second hand. Bugaboos are about £GBP850 new, £500 second hand. am about to buy an expensive but quality high chair (a tripp trapp) which would cost £GBP165 in a shop, £140 on internet or £100 on ebay.
@mogsiemogs – You’ve got the right idea! I’ve done that with children’s clothes before. I buy the brand names on clearance, my kids wear them for a season, and then I resell them on ebay for almost the clearance price.
Resell value is definitely something to consider.
First let me say, I love you blog. I would however like to share a different point of view about expensive private schools.
So first, here is my frugal brag:
My husband and I bought our wedding rings from an online store that uses Platinum with Cubic Zirconia. My rings are beautiful, I always get compliments, and its a nice little secret that my husband and I are proud of. That is not to say that I am embarrassed by my decision. I am proud of it and have told my best friends and parents. We put the money we saved into paying down the principal on our residence.
But we do send our daughter to a very expensive private school, and did also send her to an expensive private kindergarten as well. It has been an investment that has paid off well in three ways
1)The school reinforces our values, and in status crazy Los Angeles, actually hosts the kids birthday parties in the gym and provides all the party planning. The kids and parent love it, and besides saving us money and the pressure of the ever bigger B-day party escalation, it has introduced us to parents with similar values. While kids in her neighborhood are always watching TV and talking about the latest toy or food item they want, she is playing outside, or reading and could care less that the TV is showing the video she thought she wanted to watch 5 min before. Meaning, she wants to watch TV like regular kids, but finds it less satisfying and usually moves on to other pursuits.
2)She is excited about learning. When she gets home, she can’t wait to show what she has learned and actually wants us to challenge her with the next level of instruction. She is testing at well above 2nd grade level as she prepares to finish preschool this year.
3)Even though she is an only child from divorced parents (she is my step daughter), she plays and works well with other children and gets along with children of all ages and abilities. I am always humbled by the kindness, patience and love she shows to her mentally delayed cousin when they play together. And impressed when she fearlessly makes friends with new older children when she goes to a playground (she often ends of being the leader of play, even though the other kids are older).
I am sure a lot of what is great about my step daughter comes from her innate nature, but I know that there are a lot of kids that start with a wonderful light in their eyes and end up dreading the next day of school and eventually life, when they are improperly nurtured. The nurturing starts at home, but MUST be supported and enhanced by the school that the child attends. If you have a school in your community that delivers that nurturing and encourages your child to grow as a person as well as a learner, and that school is a public one, then that’s a fantastic resource for your community. I know a lot of people who choose the communities they live in for that very reason. But in my community, there is no such public school and we would stop all spending for anything other than food, shelter, and clothing, before we would consider sending our child to an inadequate or even dangerous school.
I for one cannot afford these status items, but my two kids don’t seem to mind. I think buying status items just reduces the respect kids have for things they do have.
Buy something expensive, kids break it, mommy and daddy just buy them something new.
Be frugal, buy something for the kids, if they break it, it’s broken and can’t afford to get another one so this gets the kids treating what they do have with more respect.