It’s the end of the year, and I’m trying to put things in order to gear up for the new year. One thing my husband and I really need to do is revise our will.
We actually have a will, though it was written long before our second child was born. Since it was written, we have moved to another city, had another child, and our financial situation has changed somewhat. So, it’s time to revise.
Last year we learned the hard way what happens when you don’t have a will. My father-in-law passed away a year ago without a valid will. Fortunately his estate was pretty small, and he had no dependents, so everything was pretty straightforward even without the will. The whole process would have gone a little bit more quickly if he had had a will, though.
What are some reasons that people don’t have their wills drawn up? I think one of the main reasons is that they don’t want to face their own mortality. I’m a safety person, so that reason doesn’t really bother me. I’d much rather have things official and taken care of before I die.
Another reason is lack of money. When you have children, you want to make sure everything is done correctly, so there is no question as to who will be in charge of your children when you die. This means contacting a lawyer, which costs money. I think our will cost about $500 eight years ago, and it was very basic. Still, it’s important to make sure your children are taken care of if you die.
And that brings me to another big reason people have a hard time making a will. Who will take care of the children? I think this is the primary reason we haven’t revised our will. Our families aren’t ideal candidates for raising our children, due to health and lifestyle issues. So we have to try to find friends who wouldn’t mind raising our children and who wouldn’t mind accommodating our extended family as well.
It’s a tough decision, and one not to be taken lightly. Still, it’s a decision that has to be made. Now we just have to make it.
So, do you have a will? If not, why not?
Photo by tata aka T.
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
{ 3 trackbacks }
{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }
This is a tough topic that we need to deal with…
It can make things so much easier for the people we leave behind. Especially while they are going through the grieving process. It really is a wonderful gift to our families to just do this thing.
I’ve had a will since I was in my early 20’s and revised it after marrying this year. Please also look into a medical directive and a power of attorney. Those things are important and give instructions about what to do if you are on life-support, in a situation like Terri Schaivo. A POA will also allow your spouse to pay bills and conduct other legal business if you are incapacitated. It’s incredibly important that they can access your bank accounts or sell property if necessary.
GL!
@dawn – Wills definitely make it easier on the family. If you have a will, your family can focus on grieving. If not, there’s a lot of other stuff that will need to be dealt with at a difficult time.
Amanda – You’re absolutely right. Last year when my FIL went into the hospital, my husband needed to make the decision whether or not to intubate him. It was perhaps the most difficult decision of his life. It would have been much easier if things had been clearly written out. My husband and I both have a medical directive and power of attorney.
I do not have a will yet, though it is high on my to-do list. I actually jokingly told my wife we should make that our Christmas presents to each other this year. :)
I really want to try doing it myself with U.S. Legal Forms. Anyone have experience with them? We have no kids and basically no assets (just lots of debt). I imagine we could do our own for now and get one done by an attorney at a later date when we have more stuff and more money to pay for a will.
@Eden – I don’t know anything about U.S. Legal Forms, but my FIL did his own will (that was found invalid). The main problem we came across was that since it wasn’t filed in the state where he lived, and the witnesses couldn’t be located, it was declared invalid.
So if you do your own will, make sure it’s notorized or something. :) If we didn’t have any kids, I’d probably go the do-it-yourself route too. Kids change everything, though.
We still don’t have one – it always comes down to ‘who would get the kids’ for us. Right now we don’t have a viable option for them and so we still sit here without a will. How sad is it that it is that hard to find someone who would treasure and raise our kids…
I say, don’t worry about working out who has the kids. If you’re both hit by a bus tomorrow, then as it stands what will happen to the kids?
That is currently the worst case. If you can’t think of a really good solution, either formalise the existing one, or the next best that you can think of.
For the sake of your children, it’s more important to make a decision, than to make the perfect decision, you can always change it later. Also, if it’s really wasn’t working out for the kids, and someone else could take over, then they could probably obtain custody – nothing is ever set in stone.
We will set up a will in conjunction with a trust. Make sure if you have a trust you evaluate your will at the same time, because sometimes they can lock each other and tie things up for years! We are working on compiling everything now.
We don’t yet…but we have no kids and own pretty much everything together. We’re not sure when we’re going to get them, but definitely once I get pregnant, if not before…
We have a will. We had our lawyer do it up with us when dh lost his sister 4 years ago (her husband had died the previous year) they left behind two beautiful children ages 12 and 15 back then. They also did not have any life insurance etc…
We have our will, life insurance and mortgage life insurance.
Lynnae, I would happily take on your children if God Forbid, something happened to you and Jim!!!
Kris and I plan to do this very thing this year! Thanks for reminding me!!
No Will, but I have a brother named Mike.
Seriously, we don’t – if I go, my wife gets it. If she goes, I get it. If we both go, well – who cares, we won’t be here.
But once we have kids, forget it – you gotta have a will.
Yes, I have a will. I actually got it written using a Suze Orman CD that I got at Costco. It also did lots of other stuff like help you put advanced health care directives together. That was dollars well spent.
Just ran across this good blog and thought about you ;)
http://www.wisebread.com/is-it.....ur-parents
A standard will should never have cost you $500.00. The lawyer who did ours 10 years ago said that unless you have a great deal of wealth– a simple will is sufficient. We got ours free because our daughter worked for this lawyer. However, the cost was only $50.00 at that time. There are probably some places on line where you can download the papers, fill them out and then get an official seal. Banks will do that for you.
I just trekked in from Moolanomy’s blog do you have a will? I left a similar comment there:
“Derrick, what exactly do you do?” is an email message I sent to my family and friends today 12/26/07 with regard to an article that was written in The Holyoke, Mass. Republican titled “Wife’s stroke creates financial, legal woes.” Here the message in it’s entirety:
Derrick, what exactly do you do?
Hello Family,
I provide a Life Events Legal Plan to help my family, friends and acquaintances find the answers they need when a legal situation arises in their lives and they have no clue what to do or where to turn. Being of service is the Highest calling one human can offer to another -I have found a way to be of service to my Higher Power for my fellow human and make a living at it as well…Unfortunately too may people believe misfortune will not happen to them and they don’t take the necessary preventative steps. Some even consider them an unnecessary expense or think their too young to think about such things. People think I’m trying to sell you something – thing is I’m trying to TELL you something…
My son died 13 years ago at age 12 from Juvenile Diabetes while my cousin, our only other family member to suffer from J.D. survived his childhood and recently received a kidney transplant and is living disease free for the first time in his life at age 50. the point is no one knows what’s next…the article that follows is a prime example of that and how with a Life Event’s Legal Plan from Pre-paid Legal Services this situation would have never happened.
There are two sides to the column of life: Column 1- is The Warning column_Don’t be like those people! column 2 is the example column_be more like these people! This family’s story falls squarely under column 1. Please forward this to everyone you care about-you may have your affairs in order, that doesn’t mean they do.
Peace & Love,
Derrick
Wife’s stroke creates financial, legal woes
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Q:My wife, who had been the major breadwinner in our household, had a stroke six months ago at age 68. I had hoped to be able to take her home, but after rehabilitation efforts, the doctors tell me that she has permanent brain damage and that her paralysis will not get better. She can’t swallow, is being tube fed, and can’t communicate. I am 70, have diabetes and, until I began taking care of her full time, did handyman repair work.
My wife’s income is from Social Security and a pension. My only income is a small Social Security check. During our 44-year marriage, we both worked and put our money together to raise our family and support ourselves. We always put everything in her name – including our home and about $100,000 in savings and CDs – because we figured she would live longer than me. She has a $230,000 IRA. The only thing in my name is my checking account, which is now down to $500 after paying legal expenses. We both have Medicare and a supplement through her former employer.
Since I now know I can’t take care of her at home, I followed the doctors’ advice and placed her in a nursing home. Since we do not have enough money to pay more than $7,000 per month for her care and still let me live, I decided to file a Medicaid application, but I was told that we have too much money. I went to a lawyer who told me I should transfer all of the assets into my name, but my wife never signed a power of attorney and has no will. I could not get any information from the bank about her account. The only alternative, he said, was for me to become her guardian and seek permission of the court to transfer the assets.
The judge of probate appointed me as her guardian, and appointed a lawyer for my wife who told the judge that since I was in a trust relationship with my wife, I should not be allowed to make any transfers to myself because if I died, our children – not my wife – would benefit. This was because two of our three children who have been estranged for years objected to anything coming out of her name. The judge ruled that I should not transfer assets to myself, but that if I had to sell the house, I could have part of the equity. The judge also approved a budget for me that will come out of my wife’s money, but I will not be able to afford to continue living in the house and have nowhere else to go. My lawyer says that there is nothing else to do. I have spent nearly $7,500 to get to this point. Is there anything I can do to protect my wife and myself as we are both victims here?
A:We have had a rash of reader requests for information about topics of this nature of late, but your question points up the complexity of the situation and potential horror stories when adults do not practice “self-determination” and sign appropriate powers of attorney and wills. As in your case, children and potentially others can come out of the woodwork to add to your grief. Added to this is the fact that you have a number of remedies about which your lawyer apparently did not apprise you.
First of all, current federal and state Medicaid laws, as well as public policy, allow inter-spousal transfers. We believe that even though you are acting as your wife’s guardian, not to allow you to make the transfers which your wife could have made if she had the capacity to do so discriminates against her as an incapacitated person under the equal protection clauses of the United States and your state constitution.
Federal Medicaid law sets minimum and maximum amounts of countable resources that can be set aside to you (as the spouse in the community) to take care of yourself and still allow your wife (the nursing home spouse) to qualify for Medicaid assistance. Called the “Community Spouse Resource Allowance,” each state establishes its own limit within the federal guidelines. This amount does not include the value of the family home and some other non-countable resources. Since you have an actuarial life expectancy, we don’t think that one can legitimately argue that the transfer of the home plus your state’s spousal resource allowance will provide you with a life of leisure during your last years.
Taking the NextStep: Your dilemma could have been solved had your wife signed a durable power of attorney with spousal gifting provisions. Had she done so, the court proceeding would not have been necessary, and significant dollars and time could have been saved.
http://www.masslive.com/holyok.....1#continue
I Appreciate You,
Derrick Carpenter
Certified Identity Theft Risk Management Specialist
*******************************************************
Got Health? Got Life? GET LEGAL! (c) 2002
http://www.leaderswanted.biz.com
http://www.myspace.com/startwiththeendinmind
The most alarming aspect of identity theft may be that no one is 100% immune from the crime.