Oprah, Hoarding, and Self-worth
Posted by Lynnae on November 16, 2007
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I did something unusual yesterday and watched Oprah. I stopped watching Oprah a few years ago, when she got a little too into “spiritual living” for my taste. But the Dr. Phil Show had ended (I love Dr. Phil), and I was caught up in answering emails, so I just left the TV on. And there was Oprah.
If you didn’t catch her show yesterday, the subject was a woman who hoarded things. At one point she pulled out these Glade air fresheners, and told the cameras that she bought them, because they cost next to nothing. Yet she never used them.
I’ll admit I wasn’t paying super-close attention to the show, but a few things caught my eye. There was so much stuff in this couple’s home that they could barely walk through their house. To be specific, this couple lived in a 3000 sqare foot house with 75 tons, yes tons, of garbage. And yet this woman couldn’t bear to get rid of anything. Her husband was at a loss. He wanted to clean up the house, but he couldn’t get through to his wife.
As the show went on, Peter Walsh, the expert guest, tried to get through to the woman. And then he said something that commanded my full attention. He told the woman,
You’ve been defining yourself as a good grandma by what you posses, rather than what you do.
She defined herself by what she possessed. How many of us do the same thing? Maybe we’re not as extreme as this woman. You don’t have to be a hoarder to define yourself by your possessions.
Have you ever bought a new outfit that you couldn’t afford, just because you felt the clothes you already owned were out of style? Do you feel pressure to drive a certain car? Live in a certain neighborhood? Eat out at fine restaurants for lunch?
How do you define yourself? For me, it comes down to my faith and relationship with God. I know that God has me where I’m at, and that He has things under control. I know that He loves me, no matter how much money I have, what I wear, where I live, or what I drive. My self-worth is based on Christ alone.
It wasn’t always that way though. I struggled through college, searching for acceptance. My faith was shaky at best. I looked for acceptance in boyfriends (not so nice boyfriends), partying, and how I dressed. I longed for the day when I would have the money to truly fit in. And I was miserable.
Don’t define your self-worth by what you possess or what other people think of you. If you don’t share my faith, fine. But find something worthwhile by which you can define yourself. Don’t place your value in something so fickle as possessions. Possessions can be destroyed in an instant. Just ask the victims of the California wildfires a couple of weeks ago.
As the show was wrapping up, I felt great sadness for the woman. She was so wrapped up in possessions, that she had 75 tons of garbage in her home. I’m hopeful that she was able to get some help in redefining her priorities and seeing herself in a new light. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in life, there’s always hope.
Now I have to watch today’s show to see if there’s a happy ending to this story. I’m a sucker for happy endings.
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18 Responses to “Oprah, Hoarding, and Self-worth”
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I am not a financial expert. I'm just a wife and mom doing the best I can to live a frugal life and get out of debt. Like any human, I make mistakes. I write this blog out of my own experiences, and nothing I write should be taken as expert advice. If you need financial advice, please consult a professional.
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I really admire your faith and relationship with God.
Hi Lynnae,
I watched the same program.
A few years back I identified that I used things to fill voids from my past & present. I did not accumulate anything near what that woman did. But I do identify with why she did it.
I make sure now that I shop a little better and try to make sure I don’t shop for the wrong reasons. Not easy..but I have to try.
I also keep in mind that I wish to have financial freedom as well.
I will be watching the second show as well.
Thanks for posting such encouraging words about self-worth.
Sometimes I most definitely need reminders of such things.
Thank you.
Hi Lynnae,
I haven’t watched Oprah yet but I did record it on the DVR so I’ll try to watch it today sometime.
I’ve seen shows on hoarding before though and felt the same way - why would anyone put their faith and security in just stuff? And mostly junk at that! It may be that they don’t have that faith in the Lord and this is (in their mind) a buffer between them and catastrophe. I feel sorry for them though because stuff will never be able to ultimately satisfy us - only Christ!
Great post & insight - thanks for sharing!
I heard about this program, but work days and don’t have a DVR. After helping my grandmother move, I thought I’d seen it all. But this lady appears to have an even worse problem. Looking for self-worth in stuff leads to debt and despair. Enjoying stuff as a way of actualizing yourself (like a good sewing machine for someone who loves to sew) is excellent.
I did not see the show either. But I have seen similar shows on hoarders. What always strikes me, and you said it as well, is how the hoarder equates the value of the “stuff” in the same breath as their own value and self worth. It is as if the “stuff” defines them and without it they feel hopeless. Sad to see and I hope the lady on Oprah got the help she needs.
Oh! I also started watching the show but eventually switched to Pride and Prejudice which was also on. But anyway I taped it for my hubby to watch since his parents are clutterbugs. That poor lady in the show had no control. I really felt bad for her and she was crying most of the time. However, I have to give her props that as much as her house was filled with stuff it was not filthy. Have you watched the show on BBC America “How Clean is your House.” People’s houses on that show are filled up to the brims in actual garbage, disgusting!
lynnae, GREAT post!! I really was confronted with hoarding when I had to clean out my Dads flat when he became ill. He kept everything! empty jars, old newspapers, bottle top lids, calendars. “you never know when it might come in handy!” (there is some evidence that hoarders have a similar problem to those with OCD)
We took 3 tonnes of rubish to the tip, countless bags to the goodwill shop and I still have an entire room of my house full of his ’stuff’. A little over a year later, he could only take what would fit in one bedside locker and small wardobe with him on. A lifetime of ’stuff’ that is no use at all. It really made me think about my own purchases and what I choose to accumulate.
I have seen people like that and I think it’s a form of obsessive compulsive disorder. It’s like they can’t control the urge to have more stuff. Some people are also OCD about cleaning and some people pick out their hair. For me it’s obsessive nail biting. No one is sure what can stop the obsessions, though.
Although I’ve never really had a problem with hoarding onto too much junk, it’s surprisingly easy to let your possessions define you.
Being faith-less and happy with it, one of the ways I define myself is by the memories I have and my future potential. I then try and accumulate good memories as much as I can, and leave myself lots of options for the future.
I’m in the middle of a de-cluttering of someone else’s barn. It’s full with boxes and boxes of stuff. Some of it is cool (religious items & different collectables), some of it is sad (their children’s baby books stuck at the bottom of a box of trash out in the humidity and SW Louisiana summers), but most of it is just trash. Seriously. Boxes and boxes of nothing but junk mail, old magazines, 20 year old bank statements, business papers for things that went under 20 years ago.
I’m doing this as a favor for them and as an earning potential for me, but I know in 10 year’s time, he’ll be asking me to do the same thing over again. If a hoarder doesn’t address the problem themselves, they don’t change.
I’ve also seen that “How Clean is Your House” on the BBCA and those people are DISGUSING!
I haven’t watched Oprah in YEARS…I refuse to, actually. LOL! But that’s an amazing thought…I agree completely, that she is defining herself by what she possesses. She has learned that from all the media out there these days…ohhh gotta get the latest, shiniest gadget. Grr…make it all go away!
I watched the follow up episode, and I’m glad the woman seems to have turned a corner. I would love for Oprah to follow up with the couple in another year to see how she’s doing. I could not believe all the stuff in the warehouse. I really would have loved to have hit that rummage sale!
And lets not even talk about How Clean Is Your House? I have watched it. Nasty!
Really good post Lynnae. Thanks for the reminder.
I wish I’d seen this show…it would have resonated with me…
I didn’t see the sho, but your summary of the gist of the show is powerful. I’m so grateful to have my faith, being imperfect, I make mistakes. Sometimes giving gifts can be a problem, as I want to buy the nicest thing for fmily and friends but I have to remind myself that the thought couts. My friends and family wouldn’t want me to go in debt for gifts.
Thanks for the reminder!Soemtimes you can get carried away.